The Mental Strain Of Self Disgust
by Furofushi
Summary: What would happen if Orochimaru were to fall in love with Jiraiya, and not be cared for back? Better Summary inside. Rated M for later chapters. A past-fic tragedy. Pairing is one-sided OroJira


**Title****-**'The Mental Strain Of Self Disgust'

**Summary****-**The tragic tale of a one-sided love. When Orochimaru falls in love with his idiotic team-mate, Jiraiya, he knows it's wrong, but cant seem to get the man out of his head. What will the consequences be of such one-sided affection? (Sorry, I fail at summaries...)

**Pairing****-**One-sided OroJira

**Rating****-**M for later chapters.

**Disclaimer****-**Naruto, the characters, and other such things are property of Masashi Kishimoto. Only the story idea is mine.

**Chapter warning****-**Really nothing bad in this chapter. Keep in mind these are four-year-olds we are talking about here. Stuff that older people may see as perverted or odd is simply innocent sillyness with kids this young.

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It was a bright, typically sunny day outside. The few clouds that hung in the sky were white and fluffy, the sky a brilliant blue. Trees shone green, and the sun so high in the sky shone down and warmed the bustling village. It appeared to be a typical, peaceful day in Konoha.

Down at the shinobi academy, though, it was a very special day for a collection of four year olds. It was their first day at the academy, the day they started on their journeys to become shinobi, the honorable defenders of Konohagakure.

The entrance ceremony was already over, parents long gone. The sensei had decided to allow all his new students to simply play the first day, giving the children a change to meet each other. Well, at least that was what he told anyone who asked why there was a herd of four-year-olds running about in the school yard, causing utter chaos. In all honesty he just didn't want to try dealing with a group of over excited brats. Besides, it wasn't a secret that every child already knew the fellow students they would be spending time with from earlier meetings at the local park.

Well, with the exception of one solitary young boy, choosing to sit under the furthest tree he could find. Long ebony hair stealthily hid brilliant golden eyes, slit like a serpents. Unnaturally pale skin contrasted sharply with odd purple markings around the boys eyes, the overall effect looking unmistakably serpentinely feminine. Orochimaru had always been a shy child, and the sheer nervousness from being put in a new situation was a bit more than his four-year-old mind could handle.

Honestly, he wanted nothing more than to start his classes. The boy was a prodigy. His father had already taught him how to do a few simple jutsu, such as the replacement technique, at home, and he was a quick learner. Since his mother had taught him to read he spent his time with his nose shoved in any scroll he could get his hands on, and locked himself in his room for the simple sake of having a quiet place to read.

Unfortunately, he was also abnormally shy, and openly nervous. He was the kind of child who would rather sit alone in his room talking to stuffed animals as opposed to going to the park and playing with other children. His father had also noted rather early on that he had a slight, unsettling instability to him.

He wasn't a perfect kid, but who was?

Orochimaru himself planned on spending his time in the academy alone. He was simply too uncomfortable in social situations, and always seemed to say the wrong thing. So, instead of joining the chaotic group of fellow classmates in the open area, he opted to hide out under a shady tree and simply stare at the sky.

This worked out for a total of about seven minutes. You see, the problem with looking at the sky is that you don't see flying projectiles headed directly for you. Golden eyes widened considerably when a flying projectile of some sort found itself buried in his gut. A high pitched squeak slipped out as the pained four-year-old hunched over, hugging his already slightly bruised stomach.

A few crystalline tears slipped out as he glanced at the offending object sitting a few feet away from him. It was a mid-sized soccer ball, filled with so much air it almost looked to be bursting. Honestly, it felt to Orochimaru like he had been rammed in the gut with a lead brick.

The golden eyed boy was too busy figuring out what in gods' name had just happened to notice three sets of footsteps headed in his direction.

"There it is!"

At the sound of voices so close Orochimaru snapped his head away from the soccer ball to see just who it was. There was a group of about three boys, two rather ordinary, both with messy brown hair and green eyes. The third boy was what caught the serpentine four-year-olds attention. He had absolutely beautiful black eyes, that were somehow deep and bright at the same time. Odd, but nice red markings ran down from those odd eyes, just barely visible at the time, showing up peacefully against his tan skin, all framed beautifully by a messy head of stunning white hair.

He was definitely odd looking compared to the other students, but in a nice kind of way. The serpentine boy had never seen anyone like him before. Orochimaru found himself instantly curious about him, but ended up looking to the ground, his shy tendencies taking over.

As one of the brown haired boys reached for the soccer ball, he was promptly smacked in the back of the head by a certain white haired child,"Stupid! You hit a girl! You're not supposed to hit girls, even on accident!"

The brown haired child rubbed the back of his head, before looking over at Orochimaru. When a look of confusion crossed the boys face Orochimaru simply replied with a quiet,"I'm a boy..." He was used to it by now. Being mistaken for a girl. The first time his mothers friends would meet him they would always sit there and stare until someone told them what his gender truly was. Orochimaru himself usually ended up being the one to tell them.

The kid just looked away again, picked up the soccer ball, and said bluntly,"See, I don't have ta' say sorry."

The white haired child simply looked at the boy, obviously annoyed, and replied with a sharp,"It's still not nice to hit people."

The other brunette, who had been utterly silent up till this point, interjected. "It doesn't matter,"he started, sending a pointed look in the serpentine boys direction,"He's weird looking, and only babies cry. Who cares if he gets hurt?"

Orochimaru visibly shrank back at the harsh words. He had always known he was a bit different, but having someone say it to your face was another story entirely. At that moment all the pale boy wanted to do was run and hide. He didn't want to hear how weird he was, or how much of a freak he was. He'd had enough of being strange as it was.

The golden eyed boy leaned forward so that his long hair would cover his face, and hopefully hide any tears that might manage to slip out.

When he head a loud smack, though, his gaze instantly shot up to witness what had happened.

The white haired four year old had hit his brown-haired friend right in the jaw. Said child was now holding his face in pain, tearing up worse than Orochimaru had. He was uselessly running a hand over a growing red mark in the shape of a fist, a few tears sliding down his face.

"Just 'cuz he's not normal doesn't mean you can be mean,"the white haired boy said in a childish tone, obviously repeating something someone had told him. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and he had an annoyed look on his face, as if he couldn't be bothered to be involved in the situation.

He then smiled, adding in a more amused, light-hearted tone,"Besides, I barely hit you and you're crying worse than he is!" He let out a laugh at his own statement, and just grinned wider.

Orochimaru couldn't help but to notice he had an absolutely beautiful laugh.

The teary-eyed brunette simply glared as well as an injured four-year-old could, and yelled angrily,"Yeah! Well... Well... Figures a freak would be nice to another freak!" As soon as he had finished yelling he ran off in the direction he had originally come from, his friend close behind.

Orochimaru starred on in shock at what had just happened. Nobody had ever defended him before. Nobody. Well, his mother had, but he figured it didn't really count if it's your mom. Moms are supposed to stand up for their young. It's their job.

But this boy didn't have to. He had no obligation to stand up for his pale classmate at all. In fact, it probably would have been more normal for him to ridicule as the other two had done.

He hadn't though. He had defended him.

"Th-thank you,"were the quiet, shy words that came from the serpentine boys mouth.

He still had his head bowed slightly, so as to hide his face, but he could still see the white haired boy smile down at him and practically shout out a proud,"No problem!"

Orochimaru had assumed the boy would probably walk off to rejoin the other students again at that point, and was thoroughly surprised when he didn't. Instead Jiraiya simply held out a hand, and said in an almost goofy fashion,"My name's Jiraiya! What's yours?"

The dark haired boy blinked in surprise before reaching out to shake the other boys hand, and started,"My name's Orochimar-EEP!" He was cut of swiftly, though, when he was roughly pulled to his feet, letting out an almost girlish squeak.

A vibrant blush spread across pale cheeks as he practically fell onto the other boy. He managed to steady his footing, though, and prevented them from both falling over.

Jiraiya didn't seem even slightly phased by the stumble, and replied joyously,"Orochimaru, huh? Kinda' long name." He let out another chuckle, and grabbed his serpentine classmates arm.

"You shouldn't just sit in a corner and hide from everyone. Come on! Let's go play with the other kids,"the white haired boy practically shouted, dragging an obviously unwilling golden eyed four-year-old behind him.

Orochimaru let his gaze fall and muttered out in a bashful manner,"But... I... They already said I was weird... and-"

He was cut off with a strong tug on the wrist and an optimistic,"Ah, who cares what those dummies think! Let's go bug Tsunade!"

Orochimaru couldn't help but let a small frown cross his face. Bug people? That didn't sound like fun, and more than likely it would end badly...

"Hey! Tsunade," Jiraiya shouted, waving to a blond girl with calm brown eyes sitting against the wall of the school. Her hair was up in a ponytail, with only her bangs hanging down, and she had an overall attitude to her. Even Orochimaru, who wasn't all that great with people, could tell that she was blatantly annoyed with the yelling boy, frowning when he ran over. Consequentially Orochimaru was also pulled along behind him, and nearly fell over when the boy in front of him came to a sudden halt.

Tsunade just glared at Jiraiya before asking in an aggravated tone,"What do you want?"

"Why ya gotta be so mean? I was just gonna be nice and see if ya wanted to play with me and Orochimaru,"the huffy white haired four-year-old retorted. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and was pouting in an overly dramatic manner.

Only then did Tsunade notice Orochimaru standing partially behind the idiot. He wasn't entirely eager to meet another new person. Sure, Jiraiya was nice to him, but that didn't guarantee that this girl would be as well. After all, she was already obviously not a fan of Jiraiyas'. Why in the world would she like him?

The blond girl simply starred at the golden eyed boy for a moment before smiling and practically tackle-hugging him, shouting in a very girly fashion,"He's so cute!"

Orochimaru instantly tensed up, and a ridiculous blush engulfed his face. He had never been hugged by anyone other than his own mother before. It was well beyond bizarre to him that a girl he had only just met would randomly hug him. Not to mention he'd never been called 'cute' before. Maybe odd, strange, weird, or freakish, but never had someone called him cute. It was almost embarrassing.

He didn't shove her off, for simple fear of hurting her feelings, but he didn't particularly like having her that close. In fact it was rather uncomfortable, and she was hugging him far too tightly for his liking.

Jiraiyas' expression was somewhere between surprised, confused, and annoyed. He looked on oddly at Tsunade petting Orochimarus' long ebony hair, and mumbling about how cute he was, and other such things. After a while the dramatic four year old finally interjected with a huffy,"Hey! He's _my_ friend! And you're supposed to like me!"

Orochimaru, who was still not entirely thrilled with his current position, let a small smile snake it's way onto his face, as his blush grew that much deeper. Jiraiya considered him a friend. He'd never before had a friend, and knowing that someone actually liked him enough to actually want to be a friend of his was one of the best feelings in the world.

If only he knew that this was nothing more than the beginning of the end...

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**Authors Comments****-**WOOT! First chapter! I promised myself I would have this done before I turned fifteen, and hapily I succeded! And I really am trying to stay as true to the original Naruto plot-line with this as I can. Orochimaru graduated from the academy at age 6, so I had to make them start school pretty young...

Also, feel free to alert me of any mistakes I may have made. If I made them OOC, if I'm not doing a good job of representing their age, or if I made any spelling and grammar mistakes feel free to tell me! Constructive critiscism is very much appreciated! ^-^

On another note, this story will eat away most of my time. I've had the idea in my head forever, and I absolutely adore it. I am determined to finish this by the end of 2009.

It may seem rather typical at the moment, but I can tell you that things pretty much get worse from here. It's a tragedy, not a happy story.

Also the plot is based around all given imformation up till chapter 442, and I don't plan on changing it, even if something else is revealed about their past.

Please review, and I hope that you enjoy the story!

**EDIT-**Fixed some spelling and grammar mistakes. :)


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